#2013TaughtMe

Approximately 3 more days ‘til a new year actually begins., and as they say a new year = a new you, but then I wouldn’t want to jinx (yes I believe in jinxes) anything about the coming year…So I’d rather write something more personal. Since #2013TaughtMe’s been trending the past few days, I’d like to list down some of the biggest lessons and blessings I learned because of 2013. And yes for the first time, I’ll be speaking for myself…

2013’s been one of the most emotionally challenging years. Bridges were burned, feelings were hurt, and most of the time I caught myself being stunned and speechless with what’s happening around just cause I never expected nor saw most of the things coming. When I asked for surprises, I should have been more specific with saying “good” surprises, and there goes my first lesson:

LESSON #1 Be careful what you wish for, cause you just might get it…there’s nothing bad about wishing, because most of the time wishes are what motivates us to work hard, but then I learned to be explicit about my wishes. I learned to be specific, because more often than not, wishes do come true, but they may come in unexpected shapes and sizes, so might as well be specific. If you want someone.. wish for that person.. If you want something, wish for it. Don’t be vague about it cause you might end up getting something secondhand, but a little warning…wishes don’t always come true.

LESSON #2 It’s okay not to be okay… I ‘ve always been bad at expressing emotions. I’m good with coping with my feelings but I’ve never been good at showing people my emotions, just cause I’ve been so afraid of what people might think, but then this year, I took a step forward and learned that it’s okay not to be okay. I learned to stand up for some things, to cry when I’m sad, and to be cold when I’m mad. I’m not a robot, well I used to think I have my robotic tendencies but then I was proven wrong by my fragilities. No matter how strong of a person you are, there are those who can still make you feel weak, and the bonus side is that there’s actually nothing bad with it! Only proves that you are a mere human being, capable of getting hurt but also capable of standing up!

LESSON #3 Moving on is a state of mind and trust me it is J may it be from that haunting long test that you explicitly imagined that you already failed the moment you passed your paper, or from that person who’s been haunting your sleepless nights… it all starts in the mind.  It can be bad at some point, but it won’t be bad forever and it has to hurt at some point because better days would have not existed if it were not for the worst days. Moving on is also about saving yourself, it’s not about being selfish but it’s more of having the dignity to actually save you.

LESSON #4 No matter how hard you try, you cannot please everyone… just cause no matter how hard you try, there are still those who are cringing to see you fall, but then you don’t have to work extra hard for them to love you. I learned to accept the fact that I was not made to please everyone. I have my flaws and I still have them but then, others have flaws too, and take it or leave it…I don’t have to stoop down to others’ criticisms just cause I do not fit their idea of  “perfection”, I just have to be me and cross my fingers that someone out there, will understand me for me.

LESSON#5 We meet people for a reason, they’re either a blessing or a lesson…need I say more?

LESSONS #6 JUST ENJOY THE RIDE, it won’t be perfect, no one said it would be anyway. The ride’s going to be hella’ hard but that does not mean it would not be fun. I made mistakes, and I’m honest about that. Compared to all the other years, 2013 was a big “lesson learned”, but that does not mean that it was not fun to begin with. This year I learned to discover myself in a different perspective. I was pushed to my limits, moreover I was questioned for my beliefs, but then I guess without all those, then this year would have been boring. 2013 was DIFFERENT…too different at times. I saw myself go through a lot of sleepless nights, unexpected breakdowns, and endless confusions, but then at the end of it all, I saw myself grow. I am still the same old me.. but bigger, better and ready to face the coming year!

Why It's Anybody's Game

“Don’t hate the player, hate the game” has been one of the most overly used lines when it comes to what people say as the “game of love” but what exactly are the odds of winning in this game? Especially, when there are about 6 billion people living in the world and about a hundred you encounter every single day, how is it even possible that there is indeed only one for each one of us?

Hide and Seek

Before the so-called “game” begins, we are all honestly playing an unimaginable game of hide and seek. No matter how many times we say that we are all busy, too pre-occupied to even wait and look for the “one”, let us admit to ourselves that somehow, somewhere we are crossing our fingers that we get to find the “one”. They say that some are hiding, while some are seeking, but the truth is we are all just waiting for the right time to be found by the right person in the right place. But let me tell you an ugly truth…that though there may be times that we successfully find someone, sometimes it may be the wrong person or the wrong time. Indeed, timing is everything, but the game does not end there, just when you thought you already won, things can get even more complicated.

Guessing Game

Then comes the guessing game, the hardest if not the trickiest of all games involved. Of all the games, this is the one that is most crucial just because there is no finality. It is a mind game, and just when you thought multiple-choice types of games or tests were already complicated, be thankful enough to appreciate the choices present, because in this game no choices are involved, only feelings, doubts, and a ton on uncertainties. Guessing games often do not include yes or no’s (maybe for the lucky ones they do), but for the rest, before you actually get an answer, you’ll have to go through a lot of realizations, a lot of confusions and a whole lot of sleepless nights. There are even times wherein you thought you already got it right, as if you already knew who the killer was in that board game called Clue, but then something or someone will surprise you along the way and turn your decisions or answers upside down. This is even harder than charades, because more often than not, not enough syllables are stated for you to end up in making a decision.

Snakes and Ladders

 Because this game of love is more like Snakes and Ladders, you roll dice, try your luck but you do not always get what you want. Sometimes, just when you were enjoying your few steps forward, a snake a.k.a a problem comes along then suddenly you are back to square one, though you can also get lucky. You get lucky when you roll your dice, try your luck and suddenly end up in a position where a ladder is present and you get to a better place. The game is open to everyone, but it is only played by the ones willing to see their luck along the way, besides you get nowhere when you do not roll the dice.

Cops and Robbers

Love is cliché. it is supposed to be that way. We cringe at the thought of anything too cheesy, but let us admit it; it is a big game of cops and robbers, robbers who steal others’ hearts and cops who continue to chase for the ones who stole hearts. Sometimes cops run after these robbers to claim what was once theirs, but there are also the ones who let these robbers get away with their priced possession, trusting them to take good care of it. More often than not, there are even those who steal each other’s hearts but there are also those who continue to steal, ones they can never have. It gets complicated, too complicated as they say, when you let someone steal yours, but who knows? You might be letting someone steal your heart because you believe enough that they deserve it more than you do, that they might be the ones to actually carry it in their lives with much care and compassion. Sadly, there are those who continue to run after their robbers, believing they could regain what was once theirs but end up not only giving a piece of themselves away, rather giving every piece of themselves which leaves them at nothing.

Candy Crush

But just when you thought, your game was over, an extra life comes along…Falling is part of the whole deal. Sometimes we stumble, we get wounded, and we get scarred, but stand up and learn from the pain because in this game, there is always an extra life. It may not be with the same set of candies nor may it be the same type of patterns, but you will get through it. You will stand up, and you will successfully surpass the level.

They say love is a game, and indeed it is, but I must say they got one thing wrong, because in love everybody wins. Sometimes we lose, not because we failed, but because maybe it just wasn’t our turn yet.  Love is not about the odds of winning it is about believing that we are all meant for someone, and trust me, there will come day when you will win but the fact that you joined the game is already a milestone to be congratulated for, because this is a game for the brave. This is a game for those who are willing to lose along the way, believing that an extra life will come along so that one day, when the right time comes, there will be no more guessing games, and no more hide and seeks, only robbers who get away with the hearts that they actually want to call “theirs”

Yes or No

            Decisions are made in every move we make. From multiple choice type of quizzes to choosing what flavor of milktea to buy, we are in a constant argument with our mind on what to choose and then later on, find reasons on why we choose to do them.

As I passed by, this “sari-sari” store with this big cigarette poster saying “Don’t be a maybe”, I suddenly questioned myself on what the poster actually meant. At first, I thought there must be some kind of error for the message portrayed by it, did not translate any sort of emotion, nor did it state a direct message, but then as my curiosity increased…I suddenly realized that “maybe’s” were the safest way to answer any question.  “Maybe” would always sort of put someone in the safe zone, in such a way that it did not provide any direct answer. It is the type of answer you say when you are not exactly sure of something, and no matter how safe “maybe” may sound, most of the time, life does not open doors for maybe’s, rather it is in the finality of yes or no, that we truly discover stuff beyond our expectations.

Yes or no questions, are indeed the hardest ones to answer.  We often find ourselves, saying “buts” after yes or no, because somehow we want to neutralize or at least lessen the strength of the power of the two words. It is in the two words that we end the confusion produced in our mind. It is in yes’ s and no’s that we end the limbo of being unsure, but I would not be such a hypocrite. I, myself, cannot even answer yes or no questions in an instant. No matter how pleasing the idea of “finality” may be, sometimes once we say a yes or a no, some doors are closed, words have been spoken, and no matter how cliché it may seem, even hearts may be broken, but after all isn’t it that pain only grows even more when questions are left unanswered?

Then comes the perks of finality…that no matter how harsh some truth may be, it is still better to know the truth than forever deceive one’s self using the idea of an imaginary reality. Because no matter how, safe “maybe” may be… it is still more courageous to answer something that will provide finality rather than an unending confusion of the mind and the heart, that can only produce insanity. 

Kilig

Your phone vibrates and you check it without any expectations, thinking that this would be another promo of that condo or insurance you are not even interested in.  Then suddenly your eyes open up with sparkle, your heart starts to beat faster than ever, and your gut feel starts to sink in, as if you were seated in the last row of the anchors away ride because when you saw your crush’s name appear, in that moment, you swore… it was infinite.

Kilig, that five-letter word that only Filipinos can understand but cannot exactly define. As I searched online for the word’s translation in other languages, not even one seemed to comprehend what kilig really is . It cannot be likened to butterflies in one’s stomach, because it goes beyond that feeling. It is also more than just the shaky-wiggly legs feels. Kilig is a combination of about a hundred uncontrollable feelings that happen all at the same time. It can be that uncontrollable joy you get from watching movies, or it can be that glimmer of hope you get when your crush suddenly compliments you out of the blue.

According to the urbandictionary.com, kilig is the sudden feeling of an inexplicable joy one gets when something romantic or idealistic occurs. No matter how shallow or even weird people may by once they get into this state called “kilig”, we cannot deny the fact that we are all running after this momentary, euphoric sensation. Kilig can do or even produce a lot of things, moreover it can make people crazy, but at the end of the day, kilig will never equate to love. It may be a part of it, but then love goes beyond this feeling.

Love is complicated. Love is challenging, looking back, I asked myself is it kilig that matters the most?  I guess not. Kilig can add color to the whole idea of love, but love entails maturity, and a spoonful of understanding. At the end of the day, I must admit that although I am a big fan of “kilig” the thought of love scares me, because what if the kilig ends, then what’s next? What if kilig’s only a part of the chase or worse, what if kilig’s a one-sided feeling only, that maybe just maybe, I am the only one getting this sensation of “kilig” and the other side is not even close to it? About a hundred questions run in my mind, as I try to compensate the fact that kilig and love are not, and will never be equal, and how I wish it was that simple, but then no matter how shallow “kilig” may be in comparison to love, we must also admit the fact that it CAN be a stepping stone, that maybe that feeling you get can unleash the potential of something greater, something bigger.

At the end of the day, boy or girl, we must admit the fact that we are all “kilig demons” deep inside. We may be good at hiding it or we may be good at acting as if nothing happened, but we are all human beings, therefore we all capable of feeling.  Then I guess, it is not bad to be kilig once in a while even with the smallest, most shallow details in life. I guess what is important is to know the boundary between kilig and falling in love, because no matter addicting and fun kilig may be, love entails one to be cautious, because it goes beyond that momentary, feeling we get from kilig. Because in love, we are called to be mature individuals, not the child-like giggling creatures we are from kilig.

Kilig may be a stepping-stone to greater things, it may be a door to a great relationship, it can also unleash potentials you never thought you had. and no matter how scary the effects of it may be, no one really knows what is ahead of us, therefore, sometimes, no matter how sickening and frightening the thought of a “possible love” may be…it would not hurt to try.

Put Yourself on the Edge and Fly

Grug:  “Fear keeps us alive.  Eep—never not be afraid.”

( Excerpt from The Croods)

As I was watching the said film with my family, there was one particular scene that caught my attention. It was when Guy, one of the major characters started telling his story. As he discussed his ideas regarding “following the light”, he mentioned putting oneself  on the edge and no matter how hard it may be to let go, one had to jump and simply fly.

Letting Go

Letting go is putting your inhibitions aside, and allowing yourself to move on. Letting go may be giving away that stuffed toy that you used to hug ever since you were nine and allowing yourself to sleep courageously in your bed alone. Letting go may be going out of your comfort zone and trying out something new. It may be telling the person that kept you from moving on for years that you are now ready to take on the journey of life without them or it may be telling your crush for years that you like them, after so long. Letting go is the first step to flying. It is that stepping stone that will allow you to step things up, and allow yourself to get a taste of something new, it is that catalyst that will allow you open up to changes, and move forward. It is the hardest of all steps. It takes a lot of courage but more than that, a big part of it is acceptance. Because when you let go, you stop denying and you accept what is there.  You bid goodbye to all the
“what ifs” that keep you from holding back.

Jumping

Jumping then is that big leap of faith. It is the act of detaching yourself from the chains of fears and allowing yourself to get some experience. Jumping has no guarantees. More often than not, we fall instead of flying, but it is in falling that we learn to stand up, bandage the wounds and try once again. Jumping is putting yourself on the edge, and going beyond the edge’s limits. It is taking the chance despite the numerous possible failures that may occur, because you do not want to run out of chances. Because you run out of chances, the minute you stop taking them. Jumping is putting yourself out there, willing to risk it all, even if there is a possibility of rejection, failure, and even embarrassment. It is in jumping that we erase all the negativity, and write all the positive possibilities.

Flying

Flying is allowing yourself to be happy. It is that taste of success after the two most crucial stages namely: letting go and jumping It is in flying that we allow ourselves to fully indulge in something not common to us. It could be something new or it could be something that we longed for so long, but took us every ounce of confidence before we actually got it. Flying on the other hand has no guarantees as well; even the strongest person cannot fly forever, even the strongest one can get tired of flying. Sometimes one has to land in order to launch him or herself again in flight but despite the imperfections of flying, everyone deserves to fly. Everyone deserves to be happy.  No matter how scary the journey of flying may be, it is in flying that we live. It is where we do not simply allow ourselves to not die, but we allow ourselves to live. We allow ourselves to experience, because there is a big difference between not dying and living. It is in flying that we let our fears keep us alive, we let our inhibitions challenge us, and we let our limitations help us become better people.

A whole lot of things may appear to be scary. It may be that dark cabinet at night, or may it be that 50 ft high Ferris wheel that makes your knees shake. It may be falling in love or it may be that math long test that makes you bite all your nails off. Fear will always be out there, but it is in fear that we are given the chance to become bigger and better. Indeed, we may all have a long way to go when it comes to flying, but before we fly, we have to let ourselves fall first, despite the fact that there are no guarantees ;)