Kilig

Your phone vibrates and you check it without any expectations, thinking that this would be another promo of that condo or insurance you are not even interested in.  Then suddenly your eyes open up with sparkle, your heart starts to beat faster than ever, and your gut feel starts to sink in, as if you were seated in the last row of the anchors away ride because when you saw your crush’s name appear, in that moment, you swore… it was infinite.

Kilig, that five-letter word that only Filipinos can understand but cannot exactly define. As I searched online for the word’s translation in other languages, not even one seemed to comprehend what kilig really is . It cannot be likened to butterflies in one’s stomach, because it goes beyond that feeling. It is also more than just the shaky-wiggly legs feels. Kilig is a combination of about a hundred uncontrollable feelings that happen all at the same time. It can be that uncontrollable joy you get from watching movies, or it can be that glimmer of hope you get when your crush suddenly compliments you out of the blue.

According to the urbandictionary.com, kilig is the sudden feeling of an inexplicable joy one gets when something romantic or idealistic occurs. No matter how shallow or even weird people may by once they get into this state called “kilig”, we cannot deny the fact that we are all running after this momentary, euphoric sensation. Kilig can do or even produce a lot of things, moreover it can make people crazy, but at the end of the day, kilig will never equate to love. It may be a part of it, but then love goes beyond this feeling.

Love is complicated. Love is challenging, looking back, I asked myself is it kilig that matters the most?  I guess not. Kilig can add color to the whole idea of love, but love entails maturity, and a spoonful of understanding. At the end of the day, I must admit that although I am a big fan of “kilig” the thought of love scares me, because what if the kilig ends, then what’s next? What if kilig’s only a part of the chase or worse, what if kilig’s a one-sided feeling only, that maybe just maybe, I am the only one getting this sensation of “kilig” and the other side is not even close to it? About a hundred questions run in my mind, as I try to compensate the fact that kilig and love are not, and will never be equal, and how I wish it was that simple, but then no matter how shallow “kilig” may be in comparison to love, we must also admit the fact that it CAN be a stepping stone, that maybe that feeling you get can unleash the potential of something greater, something bigger.

At the end of the day, boy or girl, we must admit the fact that we are all “kilig demons” deep inside. We may be good at hiding it or we may be good at acting as if nothing happened, but we are all human beings, therefore we all capable of feeling.  Then I guess, it is not bad to be kilig once in a while even with the smallest, most shallow details in life. I guess what is important is to know the boundary between kilig and falling in love, because no matter addicting and fun kilig may be, love entails one to be cautious, because it goes beyond that momentary, feeling we get from kilig. Because in love, we are called to be mature individuals, not the child-like giggling creatures we are from kilig.

Kilig may be a stepping-stone to greater things, it may be a door to a great relationship, it can also unleash potentials you never thought you had. and no matter how scary the effects of it may be, no one really knows what is ahead of us, therefore, sometimes, no matter how sickening and frightening the thought of a “possible love” may be…it would not hurt to try.