Kilig

Your phone vibrates and you check it without any expectations, thinking that this would be another promo of that condo or insurance you are not even interested in.  Then suddenly your eyes open up with sparkle, your heart starts to beat faster than ever, and your gut feel starts to sink in, as if you were seated in the last row of the anchors away ride because when you saw your crush’s name appear, in that moment, you swore… it was infinite.

Kilig, that five-letter word that only Filipinos can understand but cannot exactly define. As I searched online for the word’s translation in other languages, not even one seemed to comprehend what kilig really is . It cannot be likened to butterflies in one’s stomach, because it goes beyond that feeling. It is also more than just the shaky-wiggly legs feels. Kilig is a combination of about a hundred uncontrollable feelings that happen all at the same time. It can be that uncontrollable joy you get from watching movies, or it can be that glimmer of hope you get when your crush suddenly compliments you out of the blue.

According to the urbandictionary.com, kilig is the sudden feeling of an inexplicable joy one gets when something romantic or idealistic occurs. No matter how shallow or even weird people may by once they get into this state called “kilig”, we cannot deny the fact that we are all running after this momentary, euphoric sensation. Kilig can do or even produce a lot of things, moreover it can make people crazy, but at the end of the day, kilig will never equate to love. It may be a part of it, but then love goes beyond this feeling.

Love is complicated. Love is challenging, looking back, I asked myself is it kilig that matters the most?  I guess not. Kilig can add color to the whole idea of love, but love entails maturity, and a spoonful of understanding. At the end of the day, I must admit that although I am a big fan of “kilig” the thought of love scares me, because what if the kilig ends, then what’s next? What if kilig’s only a part of the chase or worse, what if kilig’s a one-sided feeling only, that maybe just maybe, I am the only one getting this sensation of “kilig” and the other side is not even close to it? About a hundred questions run in my mind, as I try to compensate the fact that kilig and love are not, and will never be equal, and how I wish it was that simple, but then no matter how shallow “kilig” may be in comparison to love, we must also admit the fact that it CAN be a stepping stone, that maybe that feeling you get can unleash the potential of something greater, something bigger.

At the end of the day, boy or girl, we must admit the fact that we are all “kilig demons” deep inside. We may be good at hiding it or we may be good at acting as if nothing happened, but we are all human beings, therefore we all capable of feeling.  Then I guess, it is not bad to be kilig once in a while even with the smallest, most shallow details in life. I guess what is important is to know the boundary between kilig and falling in love, because no matter addicting and fun kilig may be, love entails one to be cautious, because it goes beyond that momentary, feeling we get from kilig. Because in love, we are called to be mature individuals, not the child-like giggling creatures we are from kilig.

Kilig may be a stepping-stone to greater things, it may be a door to a great relationship, it can also unleash potentials you never thought you had. and no matter how scary the effects of it may be, no one really knows what is ahead of us, therefore, sometimes, no matter how sickening and frightening the thought of a “possible love” may be…it would not hurt to try.

Put Yourself on the Edge and Fly

Grug:  “Fear keeps us alive.  Eep—never not be afraid.”

( Excerpt from The Croods)

As I was watching the said film with my family, there was one particular scene that caught my attention. It was when Guy, one of the major characters started telling his story. As he discussed his ideas regarding “following the light”, he mentioned putting oneself  on the edge and no matter how hard it may be to let go, one had to jump and simply fly.

Letting Go

Letting go is putting your inhibitions aside, and allowing yourself to move on. Letting go may be giving away that stuffed toy that you used to hug ever since you were nine and allowing yourself to sleep courageously in your bed alone. Letting go may be going out of your comfort zone and trying out something new. It may be telling the person that kept you from moving on for years that you are now ready to take on the journey of life without them or it may be telling your crush for years that you like them, after so long. Letting go is the first step to flying. It is that stepping stone that will allow you to step things up, and allow yourself to get a taste of something new, it is that catalyst that will allow you open up to changes, and move forward. It is the hardest of all steps. It takes a lot of courage but more than that, a big part of it is acceptance. Because when you let go, you stop denying and you accept what is there.  You bid goodbye to all the
“what ifs” that keep you from holding back.

Jumping

Jumping then is that big leap of faith. It is the act of detaching yourself from the chains of fears and allowing yourself to get some experience. Jumping has no guarantees. More often than not, we fall instead of flying, but it is in falling that we learn to stand up, bandage the wounds and try once again. Jumping is putting yourself on the edge, and going beyond the edge’s limits. It is taking the chance despite the numerous possible failures that may occur, because you do not want to run out of chances. Because you run out of chances, the minute you stop taking them. Jumping is putting yourself out there, willing to risk it all, even if there is a possibility of rejection, failure, and even embarrassment. It is in jumping that we erase all the negativity, and write all the positive possibilities.

Flying

Flying is allowing yourself to be happy. It is that taste of success after the two most crucial stages namely: letting go and jumping It is in flying that we allow ourselves to fully indulge in something not common to us. It could be something new or it could be something that we longed for so long, but took us every ounce of confidence before we actually got it. Flying on the other hand has no guarantees as well; even the strongest person cannot fly forever, even the strongest one can get tired of flying. Sometimes one has to land in order to launch him or herself again in flight but despite the imperfections of flying, everyone deserves to fly. Everyone deserves to be happy.  No matter how scary the journey of flying may be, it is in flying that we live. It is where we do not simply allow ourselves to not die, but we allow ourselves to live. We allow ourselves to experience, because there is a big difference between not dying and living. It is in flying that we let our fears keep us alive, we let our inhibitions challenge us, and we let our limitations help us become better people.

A whole lot of things may appear to be scary. It may be that dark cabinet at night, or may it be that 50 ft high Ferris wheel that makes your knees shake. It may be falling in love or it may be that math long test that makes you bite all your nails off. Fear will always be out there, but it is in fear that we are given the chance to become bigger and better. Indeed, we may all have a long way to go when it comes to flying, but before we fly, we have to let ourselves fall first, despite the fact that there are no guarantees ;)