My
friend and I promised ourselves that 2015 will be different, and not the usual
“new-year-new-me” type of different, that in 2015 we will start opening doors
for greater possibilities. We will start opening our minds to the thought, that
maybe, just maybe things have not exactly worked out for us, because the
problem was within us and not with the people around us, but what exactly do I
want to change in my game, or perhaps, what game am I even talking about?
Game-changer
2015 for me, was more of a tangible idea, perhaps a person who would turn
things around for me, make me want to slow down from all the hustle and bustle
of work and appreciate the small stuff. Maybe game-changer 2015 meant a
re-route from the usual paths I take or someone who would make me think twice
about the idea that maybe two is indeed, better than one, but nevertheless, it
was all too vague, too broad. I was in a constant battle between “do I really
want this?” and “do I need this?”, though the two may be intensely similar, the
thin line between wanting something and needing something still exists, and the
thin line drives me crazy.
Need,
according to the dictionary is “to require something because it is essential or
very important”. Want, on the other hand, meant, “having the desire to possess
or do something”, but why can’t needs and wants be put together in one perfect
idea, and make everything else less of a hassle? Maybe the problem is I. Maybe
I do not really know what I want as of now, or maybe these are pre-whatever
jitters that bug me cause I am always going to be scared of outcomes and
possibilities, that despite fear being a false evidence that appears to be
real, it still exists and will continue to exist, until I truly open the door.
Maybe my door of possibilities is just slightly opened, just like how hotel
doors have those chain locks that let you open, and get a glimpse of what is
inside, but not entirely open for everyone to see what is inside. Maybe I do
not even know what game I am exactly referring to when I said that I am ready
for game-changer 2015.
BUT…
despite all the confusions and unanswered questions I have in mind, I know that
gradually I will get all the answers. I will eventually find the perfect
combination of wants and needs, whether it may be about life decisions or
matters of the heart… I know that I will be ready and maybe that is why people say, “don’t push it” because the real ones will
come falling right in our arms when we least expect it and that the things that
we will want (and need at the same time), won’t check any of the things we
listed them to be. That maybe we have been fooling ourselves with the idea of
what we really want and need, because nobody really knows it, until it is right
in front of them, going beyond our norms and expectations. The truth is, it all
seems a little to bizarre, just cause this is me,and to everyone out there
experiencing this, this is us, trying to figure out ourselves, and though there
may be some sense of urgency now, anything worth having is worth waiting for. Maybe, just maybe… I am not looking for a game-changer, I am looking for the
right game to begin with.
